What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 03.07.2025 05:36
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
How many women have accidentally pooped their pants and became turned on afterwards?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
What are examples of real life forced feminization?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
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The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
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We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was 9 years of age.
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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We were not on the streets..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
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One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
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But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
What are the signs of mild autism in a child?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
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Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Who then, do I blame.?
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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im still living with it.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
It was going to be , some day.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My family never makes their pension either.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was scared of men, in general
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Would this be the day?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
What did i know ?
He resisted the act ,that day.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And i lived it daily.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I have no regrets .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I don,t even have a pension.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I think the readers, may guess!
He knew the spot.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Put me off passion for life!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I said to her
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I will be 64.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I waited trembling.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But it wasn’t much.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She wouldn,t have been !
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We all went to grammer schools
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Comes on , in middle age.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
So, i spoilt her more .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She loved him until the end.
One cannot live in the past .
But ive been too sick for many years..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So whats the point in blame.
Ive learnt so much.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She married twice! .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
All the time i was locked up.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But, we were locked up after school.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She found it foreign!.
This is soul school!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My life is so biszare .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
When she asked me how she looked .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was very sick at this time too.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was seconnd youngest,
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I write beautiful poetry .
She was in good health!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.